I'm giving into my whiny side for a few minutes today so bear with me! I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes a girl just needs to rant, ya know?? So here goes...
If you've been following me on IG for a little while you probably know that I've been a bit MIA because of my two jobs. I explained that it's been so hard to do nail art lately because I'm working from 10 am to 1 am most days so of course I don't have any time. Funny thing is that I started working mostly to be able to afford this nail hobby and now that I can, I don't have time for it because of working.
So one of my dilemmas is that one job is *insanely* harsh on my nails. Not only does it take off any polish I have on but it weakens my nails to the point that they have been breaking and bleeding literally everyday now. It HURTS! More so emotionally though. I know only my fellow nail gals will understand what it's like; I bet it sounds like I'm just another girly-girl complaining about a broken nail (or in this case, 10!). The thing is though...for the past year I've put in a lot of time, effort, and money into learning about nails and nail art. I've advanced in ways I couldn't have even dreamed back then. And I loved every second of it. It's not just about buying polish and putting it on. It's been an art form. It has seriously been a huge source of joy in some really bad times and definitely in good times. I can't explain the surge of confidence I feel when I look down at my hands throughout the day and see something pretty and handmade by me. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm absolutely delighted when I get compliments on my nails and asked where I get them done. It is something to be proud of!! It's me taking care of myself, even in a small way. I have issues with my body; I'm obese and it's damn hard to feel pretty most days. But my hands give me that feeling. Every day. I've made a lot of mistakes with my body but at least I've got some part of my body that I'm nurturing.
Although I like my job, I feel like that's all been taken away. Boo hoo right? Lol seriously though, I'm feeling sad. My nails hurt. And after taking such meticulous care of them for sooo long, it's like a mother seeing her baby scrape his knees. Okay not that dramatic! I just feel like every tool and colour I have is useless and I should just sell it. I can't share my art anymore, there's nothing left to share! My nubs aren't even nubs anymore that I could do some art on, they're like these raggedy little things that actually bend when I touch them. I know it's not gonna last forever but I'm so scared that my interest in all this is waning. I'm sure it's more circumstantial but I'm not as invested as I used to be and in some ways, it terrifies me. Especially because I was seriously thinking of going places with this hobby. I wanted to see if I might like to go to school for it. Now I'm not so sure. I feel lost yet again. I don't feel pretty anymore. I don't have a relaxing hobby anymore. I don't want to buy anything nail related (even though now I finally have money for it LOL) because it's not gonna be used. I've stopped going on IG because I get sad looking at all the beautiful art everyone is doing. I know that's petty; I would love to keep supporting my beautiful and talented friends but I just don't have it in me anymore. I feel extremely left out and not part of this fun world of nail art.
I hope things will slow down soon and I won't have to work two jobs, giving me enough time to do the things I love. Sigh. For now I'm gonna go try my best to fix my nails and stop the pain (my breaks always happen on the middle of my nails, taking away half my skin with them!! grrr).
Thanks for reading my ranting!!! Any words of encouragement or similar stories would be greatly appreciated!! =)
If you've been following me on IG for a little while you probably know that I've been a bit MIA because of my two jobs. I explained that it's been so hard to do nail art lately because I'm working from 10 am to 1 am most days so of course I don't have any time. Funny thing is that I started working mostly to be able to afford this nail hobby and now that I can, I don't have time for it because of working.
So one of my dilemmas is that one job is *insanely* harsh on my nails. Not only does it take off any polish I have on but it weakens my nails to the point that they have been breaking and bleeding literally everyday now. It HURTS! More so emotionally though. I know only my fellow nail gals will understand what it's like; I bet it sounds like I'm just another girly-girl complaining about a broken nail (or in this case, 10!). The thing is though...for the past year I've put in a lot of time, effort, and money into learning about nails and nail art. I've advanced in ways I couldn't have even dreamed back then. And I loved every second of it. It's not just about buying polish and putting it on. It's been an art form. It has seriously been a huge source of joy in some really bad times and definitely in good times. I can't explain the surge of confidence I feel when I look down at my hands throughout the day and see something pretty and handmade by me. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm absolutely delighted when I get compliments on my nails and asked where I get them done. It is something to be proud of!! It's me taking care of myself, even in a small way. I have issues with my body; I'm obese and it's damn hard to feel pretty most days. But my hands give me that feeling. Every day. I've made a lot of mistakes with my body but at least I've got some part of my body that I'm nurturing.
Although I like my job, I feel like that's all been taken away. Boo hoo right? Lol seriously though, I'm feeling sad. My nails hurt. And after taking such meticulous care of them for sooo long, it's like a mother seeing her baby scrape his knees. Okay not that dramatic! I just feel like every tool and colour I have is useless and I should just sell it. I can't share my art anymore, there's nothing left to share! My nubs aren't even nubs anymore that I could do some art on, they're like these raggedy little things that actually bend when I touch them. I know it's not gonna last forever but I'm so scared that my interest in all this is waning. I'm sure it's more circumstantial but I'm not as invested as I used to be and in some ways, it terrifies me. Especially because I was seriously thinking of going places with this hobby. I wanted to see if I might like to go to school for it. Now I'm not so sure. I feel lost yet again. I don't feel pretty anymore. I don't have a relaxing hobby anymore. I don't want to buy anything nail related (even though now I finally have money for it LOL) because it's not gonna be used. I've stopped going on IG because I get sad looking at all the beautiful art everyone is doing. I know that's petty; I would love to keep supporting my beautiful and talented friends but I just don't have it in me anymore. I feel extremely left out and not part of this fun world of nail art.
I hope things will slow down soon and I won't have to work two jobs, giving me enough time to do the things I love. Sigh. For now I'm gonna go try my best to fix my nails and stop the pain (my breaks always happen on the middle of my nails, taking away half my skin with them!! grrr).
Thanks for reading my ranting!!! Any words of encouragement or similar stories would be greatly appreciated!! =)